Broken Shards
by fifiones
Summary: Two years after graduation, Fiona is still living in Italy. She goes out one night for fun, but loses a lot more than her sobriety. Her life falls apart thanks to one night at a bar. She soon realizes she has to pick up the pieces of her life, bit by bit. trigger warnings for rape, alcoholism
1. Chapter 1

_Just one drink…_

What could it hurt, right? She likes to think she's strong enough to stop after one. To pace herself. But, for Fiona Coyne one drink can so easily turn to many. She doesn't know _how_ many, having lost count after the fourth. The night has been a blur since that fourth drink, a blur that somehow led to her in the back of the bar with some guy.

The young girl is up against the wall, the guy's hands groping at her body. Sliding up her skirt, pushing aside the small piece of fabric covering the place he wants to go. Feeling his fingers prodding, her heart races as she tries to push him off.

_"No,"_ she mumbles out. She tries to summon the strength to yell out, to push him away; but, she is too weak. As he thrusts into her, the girl mumbles; _"No, please."_ But, her pleas go ignored.

One hand is on her arm, pinning it back against the wall. The other hand is slipping under her shirt, groping her breast. He thrusts faster, groaning; the sound makes her sick. She closes her eyes, waiting for it to be over.

"God, you feel so good," he tells her, and she clamps her eyes shut tighter as if that will make it go away.

It was probably only five minutes, but to Fiona it felt like forever. With a final thrust, he finishes; leaving her there, alone and used. She lets herself fall to the floor, her back sliding down the wall, as if she's lost the strength to hold herself up. Pulling her legs to her chest, she begins to cry.

She stays on the floor of the bar's storeroom until she can't cry anymore. Her tears have been used up, just like she has.

* * *

When she gets to her place, Fiona walks right through the living room, down the hallway, through her bedroom to her bathroom. Avoiding the mirror, not wanting to see the shell of the girl staring back at her. Stepping into her shower, she turns the water on; standing in the enclosed space with her clothes still on, not caring that she's probably ruining the designer clothing. She rests her head against the shower wall, still facing the knob. She turns it toward hot, and keeps turning until her skin burns.

Eventually, she peels off the wet clothes leaving them in a pile on the shower floor. Grabbing her loofah, dousing it with soap she scrubs. Everywhere he touched is scrubbed, hard. She scrubs until her arms hurt, giving up. She sits on the floor, her knees to her chest. The water beats down on her until it turns cold.

Eventually, she pulls herself off the floor. Shutting the water off before she exits, slipping on her silk robe. She goes to her room, lying down on her bed. She wants to sleep, to get this night over with. But, every time she closes her eyes she's haunted by him. She swears she can almost feel him on her. When sleep finally does come, her dreams are a swirl of nightmares. A mix of _him_, and Bobby. The memory of her and Bobby on the couch at her parents New York penthouse fills her head. Of how he forced her down onto the couch, how she tried fighting him off before he hit her for the first time. It all meshes together in some twisted blur.

Morning comes, Fiona forces herself up off the bed. _She really needs a drink right now._ There's no alcohol in her place, she's sure of this. She had been sober for three years before last night. This thought doesn't faze her right now, she doesn't care that she lost something she had worked so hard for. She puts on jeans and a sweater, pulling her messy hair up into a bun. Fiona catches her own eye in the mirror for a moment, quickly looking away. _She can't stand to look at herself._

She realizes she left her clothes on the shower floor, going to pick them up before the housekeeper comes and finds them. She doesn't want to have to explain — not that the woman would necessarily ask her. _In fact_, Fiona's almost sure she wouldn't. The clothes are cold and wet, she picks them up in a pile throwing them in the trash. _She doesn't want to see those clothes again. _

* * *

Fiona walks along the aisles at the liquor store, picking up different bottles of wine and other various alcoholic beverages. She pays in cash, ignoring any stares she might get for buying so much alcohol so early in the morning. Going back to her place, she pops open a bottle and drinks. _Hoping to erase the memories that have been haunting her._


	2. Chapter 2

Eight weeks have gone by since that night, Fiona's been just barely keeping her head above water. She's been keeping her head tilted back to keep from drowning.

Showing up to work drunk, keeping a water bottle filled with alcohol like she had done in high school. Her work is suffering, even moreso than it was already. Federico calls her into his office one day to tell her this.

"Fiona, when you first started out you had so much _potential._ I don't know what happened but, the last few months your work…it's been _lackluster_. I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go. I'm sorry."

When he finishes talking, Fiona wants to cry. She holds it back until she's left, safe in her apartment. She drowns the pain in alcohol. Her dreams are dead, and _it's all her own fault._

* * *

It is a couple weeks later, she begins to suspect something is up. She's missed two periods already, she can't be…she just can't. She buys a couple of pregnancy tests, hoping that she's completely wrong about it. Maybe it's just stress.

She stares at the plus signs on the tests, thinking she can't do this. She can't have a baby right now, especially not…_his_. Fiona's a total mess right now; she just lost her job, she's relapsed, not to mention what her parents might think.

But, then, she looks up at herself in the mirror. The first time she's _really_ seen herself in weeks. The brunette stares herself down, looking into the eyes of a near stranger. She recognizes a small piece of herself there. The girl who had overcome so much, who had the strength to move to another country where she didn't know anyone. The girl who was able to pick herself back up after her loft was broken into. After she relapsed the first time and was able to see she needed help. After she fought Bobby in court, _and won._

She couldn't take her rapist to court, she didn't even know who he was. But, she could pick her life back up and move on. Or try to.

Looking down at those plus signs once more, she realizes that this baby can be her reason to get clean. This baby can give her something to live for, something to love unconditionally that will love her back.

She knows that she can do it. That she's capable. It may not be the right decision for everyone, but it's right _for her._

* * *

It's another week before her parents find out she got fired. They fly her back to New York where she is greeted by their disappointed faces. It's at the family dinner where she tells them she's pregnant. All of them. Her mom, dad, and Declan all sit around the table as she tells them she got drunk, and got pregnant. She neglects to mention she was raped.

"I can't believe this," Her father speaks angrily. "It's just one disappointment after another with you." Fiona looks down at her hands in her lap, fidgeting with her napkin. "We have to keep this quiet. All of it. We'll pay for you to get rid of it, and we'll never have to speak of it again."

The brunette casts her eyes upwards, slowly bringing her head up to face him. **"No,"** she says, with a strength she wishes she had that night. "I've already decided. I'm keeping it."

His jaw is set as he looks at her, trying to intimidate her. It doesn't work, she holds strong. "_Fine._ Then I want you out of this house by morning."

Her eyes widen, she can't believe she's hearing this. But, what she can't believe more is the fact that no one is sticking up for her. Not Declan, or her mother.

_"Fine,"_ she echoes. "I'll just start packing _now_." And with that, she gets up from the table; walking away from them all.


	3. Chapter 3

Fiona doesn't really have much to pack, considering she just flew in that morning. Mostly, she just hides out in her room until she's sure everyone has gone from the dining room. Taking that time to figure out what she's going to do. She needs a place to stay but, she doesn't have many options here in New York.

The person her mind gravitates towards has some complications that comes with asking her for help. For one, she's about an hour-and-a-half away. For another, she's sort of dating Fiona's brother. But, she doesn't have many options. And Holly J Sinclair is just about the only person Fiona can trust right now.

* * *

"Thanks for letting me stay," Fiona speaks, her voice coming out raspy and broken. She clears her throat once she hears the sound.

"It's no problem, Fi" the redhead responds with a gentle smile. "So, care to tell me what's going on?" She asks her friend carefully, not wanting to upset her even further. Holly J takes note of Fiona's red and puffy eyes; a clear sign that she's been crying.

Fiona slowly shakes her head, "I'd just like to rest right now, if that's okay? I'll explain in the morning" her voice is soft as she speaks carefully, afraid she might start crying all over again. She is able to hold them back long enough for Holly J to nod in understanding, before showing her to a spare room.

"You can stay here, for as long as you like, okay?" The redhead speaks, placing a gentle hand on her friend's back. "Do you need anything? Water? Tea?" She inquires, her eyebrow raised slightly.

Fiona shakes her head, "No, I'm good. Thanks, though." She manages a slight smile, trying to reassure Holly J that she was, in fact, just fine even though she was far from it.

Holly J gives another warm smile. Fiona can see the concern in her eyes, but she's glad she's letting it be for now. "Okay. Let me know if you need anything. You just rest. We'll talk in the morning," she speaks calmly, lightly rubbing her hand on Fiona's back for a moment before turning to leave the small room. "Good night," she speaks softly as she closes the door.

* * *

Fiona lays in bed for the longest time, unable to close her eyes without horrible visions haunting her. The brunette eventually cries herself to sleep, careful to keep quiet so Holly J doesn't hear her sniffling. She tosses and turns as nightmares plague her mind.

She awakes suddenly from a particularly bad dream, her heart racing and covered with sweat. Luckily, she didn't cry out. Fiona lays there for a long time, catching her breath and waiting for her heart to stop beating so wildly. Once she has calmed down, she turns to check the time; eight am.

The brunette decides to get up, and face the day. The scent of coffee hits her nose as she opens the door; longing for a sip, she internally groans. The mother-to-be can't drink coffee right now, unless it's decaf; which she doubts it is. As she walks out into the hall, she hears Holly J speaking to someone. Her brow furrows in confusion, wondering who she could possibly be talking to this early in the morning.

Stopping just around the corner, where she can eavesdrop without being seen; she listens to Holly J speak. "I'm just worried about her. She just shows up in the middle of the night, clearly having been crying and is unwilling to tell me anything," the girl's voice is soft, filled with concern. "Do you know what's going on?"

There's a slight pause in the conversation, as Fiona anxiously waits for the other to speak; already having a feeling she knows who's about to answer. "Yeah, I do. But, I think there's more to it than what she told us," the not-so-mysterious person answers, his voice filled with as much concern as Holly J's was. Maybe more.

She hears the clinking of silverware against ceramic; likely a spoon against a coffee mug. She's not entirely surprised Holly J called Declan to get some answers. After all, they are sort-of dating.

Declan speaks up again, "I-I feel like a horrible brother. I just let her walk out without saying anything. Without sticking up for her." His voice cracks slightly, and Fiona wonders if he's crying or about to.

With a sigh, she slowly turns the corner the two coming into sight at the table set up in the open living room - kitchen area. Their heads turn as they hear her footsteps approach. They look caught off-guard, as if they weren't expecting her.

"Hey, how'd you sleep?" Holly J asks, still looking concerned. Fiona nods, casting her eyes between the redhead and her brother. She musters up her best cold, uncaring look as she addresses her twin. "What're you doing here? I didn't think you cared about me after the way you let Dad speak to me like that," she does her absolute best to keep her voice cool and steady.

He looks away, ashamed; and Fiona's glad he feels that way. He should feel ashamed of himself for just sitting back while she got kicked out of the house. "I'm sorry, Fi. I should've done something. I should've said something. But, you know I've never been good at standing up to him," Declan looks at her as he speaks, his eyes brimmed with tears. "Neither one of us really have," he continues, a smile tugging at his lips. "Until now. I must say I was surprised to see you so..defiant."

Fiona smiles proudly at his words. "Well," she begins, taking in a deep breath. "I wasn't going to let him push me around anymore. This is my decision" she says with as much defiance as she had the night before. She looks over to Holly J; who is, more than likely, more lost than ever.

The brunette sighs, taking a seat at the table; facing Holly J as she begins to speak. "I should probably explain," she pauses, deliberating just how to tell her. "I'm pregnant." And at that, Holly J's eyes widen.

"What? With…_How?_" The redhead stutters out. Fiona looks away, unable to meet her eyes. Declan chooses this opportunity to speak up, "Fi…I know there's more you haven't told the rest of us."

Fiona nervously chews on her bottom lip, her hands shaking in her lap — a sign of withdrawal. "You're right," she sighs, he knows her way too well. The socialite clears her throat, trying to figure out where to even begin. "I…relapsed a couple months ago. I drank for the first time in years, and I…" she trails off as her eyes fill with tears. Willing herself to continue, she chokes out; _"I said 'no'"_

Fiona keeps her gaze down on her still shaking hands, hearing a gasp from Holly J. "Oh, Fi," she speaks softly, reaching a hand out to gently grasp Fiona's hand; helping to quell the trembling for the time being. Declan tenses up, wishing he knew who did this to her so he could do something, anything. He feels like he failed her, again.

"Why didn't you tell someone?" He finally asks. Fiona shrugs, "I-I didn't really want to talk about it, and I didn't think anyone would believe me" she answers honestly. "I mean…people have a hard enough time getting their voices heard when something like _this_ happens. Add in the fact that I relapsed and it looks _really_ bad."

"But, why didn't you say something last night? I'm sure if he knew.." Declan speaks before Fiona cuts him off, "He already made his decision about me. I'm just a disappointment. Do you _really_ think he'd react any differently if he found out I had relapsed once more?" She is dubious that it would make any difference, and Declan nods as if he sees her point.

"I suppose that's true." Fiona is relieved he doesn't press the issue further; but, she has to ask "Did you talk to them after I left last night?"

He shakes his head, "No, Dad went off to his study with Mom following after within a few minutes." He bites his lip, as if he's deliberating whether to divulge more information. "I heard them fighting." The implication being they were fighting about her.

"Oh," she utters in surprise. "Did you hear any of what they were saying?" He shakes his head, "Nothing specific. Mom was yelling at him, though. I think she was sticking up for you, she was just too afraid or shocked to say anything at dinner."

Fiona looks away, unsure what to make of this situation. Noticing Holly J's hand still firmly grasped around her own, she gives it a squeeze. Holly J clears her throat, "What do we do now?"

* * *

a/n: I just wanted to give a little shoutout to my one reviewer! Totally appreciate the praise and I hope you enjoy this chapter!


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